*The opinions in this article do not reflect the opinions of the Marionette Staff or any faculty member of Harding Charter Prep.*

Hello Harding students, we heard you were trying to procrastinate, so we have decided to help.

Now, procrastination is not just something you can do in one night. It takes years to practice and perfect the exact process, but most of you probably already know that. The seniors have already developed their technique to such a level, it’s difficult to tell whether they’re actually doing anything at all. At this point, we can start calling these people pro-procrastinators, something the freshman are already striving to become.

With this in mind, we understand the amount of work required at Harding is much greater than most of you have been used to in the past. However, this is actually an advantage as it gives you more opportunities to really hone your abilities to procrastinate. Many of you also participate in extracurricular activities and after school organizations as well, giving you even more chances to justify the amount of work you have and the amount of it that hasn’t been done.

I’m getting ahead of myself, though. Going to a school like Harding, the quality of work expected to come out of the student body is of a higher standard than what is actually being produced, procrastination included. Most of you are doing it wrong and don’t even realize it. So, in hopes of aiding in your endeavors, here is a step-by-step process on exactly how to procrastinate.

1. Accumulate an unmanageable amount of homework.

This is an important step, but it’s a difficult balance of work and time. There needs to be just enough work piled up to create a sense of hopelessness, completely inhibiting the motivation to do any of it, and just enough time to make you feel like it’s feasible, nonetheless.

1.5. Forget and/or ignore the work.

You have to do this long enough so that you’ll be left with just enough to time to give you the much needed pressure that’ll help motivate you to start doing the work. Don’t wait too long though, because you just might not do it.

2. Do something else.

There are plenty of online video games and social networking sites to keep you busy while you hold off doing that very important assignment.

3. Think about doing it.

It’s the thought that counts.

4. Start doing it.

By this point, the assignment is probably due tomorrow. Better late than never.

5. Start doing something else again.

There’s still time.

6. Repeat steps 4 and 5 indefinitely. 

You really have to work up that motivation before you can really start producing quality work.

7. Descend into a feeling of hopelessness and complete lack of self worth.

It’s midnight, and you’ve only just realized how long this is actually going to take you to finish. Maybe you shouldn’t have procrastinated. It’s too late for that now!

8. Final step: Finish it!

Or not. This really depends how much sleep you’re willing to give up and how much partial credit is offered.

9. (Optional) Forget to bring it to school to turn in.

All that work, and for nothing.

Hopefully, you’ve learned something from this.